Dealing with Depression l Hope for Depression Part 1

Up to this point we have looked at what depression is, what it is not, symptoms of depression, the difference between depression and sadness, who becomes depressed, reasons people do not seek help, when to seek professional assistance, and treatment options available.

The remainder of this course will focus on what can be done to prevent depression and what can help in the midst of it. The strategies are the same. They help to bring healing and hope to the sufferer, and they also help to avoid future occurrences of depression and shorten its duration and severity.

You will be presented with some general guidelines to help you understand the connection between depression and various areas of living and functioning. Some of the interventions we will be covering will seem simple while others will be much more challenging. It all depends of the individual’s level of depression, needs, and attitude. The bottom line is that they work.

Please note: Information provided in this course is intended to assist you in personal growth and development. For individuals suffering from clinical depression, the interventions offered are not meant to replace professional treatment. The help of a mental health specialist and/or medical treatment is recommended in order to fully benefit from these strategies, gain insight, and make lasting and healthy lifestyle changes.

To overcome depression is to overcome barriers to a fulfilling life. There are many barriers we encounter whether we can do something about them or not. For example, we cannot change the genes we were born with or the problems we have suffered, but we can begin to make choices that can change what we think, feel and do with our lives. We can learn to accept what we cannot change and begin to change what we can.

So let us begin…

“Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action.” ~Benjamin Disraeli

Breaking out of inertia and getting momentum going is the goal here. Sometimes a depressed person will not feel like doing anything, so they simply won’t. Instead, they grow more passive, ruminate, and feel more fatigued and less motivated. Taking action and making choices, on the other hand, can help them to feel less hopelessness and more control over their life. Doing something that makes them feel they are moving forward is a step in the right direction.

Breaking out of inertia and taking action requires setting small, but achievable goals. The focus needs to be on the immediate, not on the ultimate goal. Small, attainable steps that can be accomplished will help a depressed person feel more control and hope. It can begin with a household chore or doing something that they have enjoyed in the past or that has helped them feel better before. It might help to plan on doing something for a certain amount of time. For example, cleaning the house for 10 minutes at a time might be easier and more attainable than setting the goal of getting an entire room all cleaned. Problems occur when too much is taken on too soon. Writing things down and prioritizing might also be helpful.

It is not uncommon to hear a person who has made the decision to get counseling say that the moment they decided to get help and then started to act on that decision is the moment something inside of them began to change. Once they started to break out of the inertia, they began to feel more hopeful and control over their lives. Choosing to take this “Hope for Depression” course is another example of taking action. Each step you take moves you forward. At times, however, you will fall back a step or more. These times are setbacks and everyone experiences them. Realizing this and accepting it as part of the healing process will help you to persevere and not lose hope. Many times others see your progress when you don’t. You can be confident that in taking positive action you are moving in the right direction. No matter how wobbly your steps are, each one will help you gain strength to take another.

It is important to remember that it is up to the individual suffering from depression to:

STOP talking about how bad things are and start planning to make them better. You are responsible for how you feel.

STOP waiting for someone or something to come along and “fix” you.

You have to do most of the work.

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.” (Serenity Prayer)

The only way to have true peace of mind is to accept what we cannot change. This is not always easy to do. In many cases it is a process of working through loss, releasing anger, renewing hope, and so forth.

Loss is often a trigger to depression. There are tangible losses such as the death of a loved one or pet; a broken down car; loss of money or something material. There are also intangible losses such as the loss of love or respect; the loss of friendship; the loss of hope or motivation. There is also anticipated loss. People who expect to lose something begin to grieve its loss before it even happens and whether or not it does.

Everyone encounters loss that is out of their control. The only control we have over things that we cannot control or change is in our attitude. An attitude of acceptance of things we have no power to change is the only way to true peace of mind.

Locus of control is used to describe people’s expectations about the results of their own actions. People with an internal locus of control believe that they control their environment and the things that happen to them. They see events as being almost entirely the result of their individual actions and decisions. If something goes well or if something goes wrong, they feel they had some responsibility for the result. People with an external locus of control believe that control is outside of oneself, either in the hands of powerful other people or due to luck, fate, or chance.

Either extreme can lead to depression. A person with a strong internal locus of control may try to control the uncontrollable. And they might even blame themselves if things don’t turn out as they expect them to. A strong external locus of control can also lead to problems. If a person believes nothing they do can make a difference, they will feel victimized and helpless. They will stop trying because they believe that something outside of themselves has all control. Depression soon follows.

If you want to take a short test to identify your locus of control, to go:

http://discoveryhealth.queendom.com/questions/lc_short_1.html

The following link contains more information about locus of control:

http://wik.ed.uiuc.edu/index.php/Locus_of_control

People struggling with depression are usually also struggling with anger. Depression is often said to be “anger turned inwards.” Difficulty coping with losses, difficulty accepting the uncontrollable, and perceiving things in a distorted way lead to anger rooted in frustration, hurt, fear, guilt. Internalized anger becomes a way of punishing oneself and/or others. Working through anger is an integral part of overcoming depression. Working through anger leads to acceptance, serenity, and a decrease in the symptoms of depression. It requires identifying the root of the hurt and working through the pain. People often get angry to avoid the hurt and the need to face their own vulnerability. Suppressed feelings rouse hatred, addiction, abuse.

Facing ones anger begins with admitting “I am angry.” And, I feel…hurt because… Or I feel frustrated…because… Then, it is the hurt, frustration, fear or whatever other feeling(s) that underlies the anger that must be dealt with. For example, frustration might be a result of disappointed expectations as when someone has high hopes in getting a new job but later finds out they didn’t get it. Or, hurt feelings might be the result of someone’s insensitive words or actions that leave you feeling unloved and angry. Fear might keep you from doing certain things and damage your self-confidence. All these issues evoke feelings that can lead to anger and depression. However, when anger is faced and its source identified, these issues can be effectively dealt with. Anger can actually help you to identify what really needs to be addressed. You don’t have to stay angry.

REFLECTION:

• What is causing me to feel angry?

• What other feelings am I experiencing?

• Am I angry with myself and/or with someone else?

• What do I do with my feelings? Do I express them, bury them

or act them out through my behavior in some way?

• How can I begin to face my anger and what is underlying it?

Make a list of things in your life that you are displeased with or that you wish could be different. Circle each one that you can do something about. Underline each one you need to accept as out of your control. Now review all the items you marked and ask yourself:

Am I trying too hard to have control over this?

Do I blame myself when things aren’t going as I had hoped?

Do I believe that nothing I can do will make a difference?

Do I feel helpless and hopeless about this situation?

Did I quit trying or believing things could improve or work out?