Acceptance is something than can be learned and practiced. This is especially important when it comes to self-acceptance. When we accept who we are, what we look like; our abilities, limitations, weaknesses and mistakes we like ourselves and see ourselves as being likeable to others as well. The way we see ourselves is vital to our mental health. A poor sense of self-esteem is a major contributor to depression. When people feel bad about themselves they reject parts of themselves they do not like. They put themselves down and have difficulty believing they are of value and worth. They lack confidence and feel inferior to others. They don’t believe they can succeed and they doubt themselves. A lack of self acceptance leads to much emotional distress and depression.
Disclaimer: This course is intended for personal growth and development. It is not intended to take the place of professional treatment. Participants are advised to consult their own health care professional regarding the treatment of medical and mental health problems. Neither the instructor, NewDayCounseling.org, and BeHappy4Life.com take any responsibility for any possible consequences from any treatment, action or application of information applied in this course. See entire
1) Review cognitive distortions. Pick any two and give an example of each.
2) Apply the ABC analysis to one situation in your life. Identify the activating agent, beliefs, and consequences. How can you think about and perceive the situation differently?
3) Think about a new habit you would like to begin and an old habit you would like to change.
How can self-esteem be improved and a positive view of self attained?
Let’s look at several ways:
• Be aware of self talk.
What kinds of things do you think about yourself?
In what situations do you tend to put yourself down the most
(social, learning, work-related)? How does it make you feel?
When are you least confident? Most confident?
• Use positive affirmations.
The best way to change negative self-talk is to replace it with
positive self-talk. However, positive affirmations alone won’t help
much until beliefs about oneself are changed. You can tell yourself
over and over that you are successful, but until you begin to
redefine success and realistically appraise your capabilities and
believe in your competence, you won’t feel too successful. (We will
be discussing more about how to change thinking in the following
sections.)
Whether we realize it or not, we are always talking to ourselves
whether it’s in a positive or negative way we talk about ourselves,
others and the world around us. As our internal dialogue becomes
more optimistic, positive and hopeful, the way we view of ourselves
and life improves and depression is reduced. However, when a
person is depressed, their self-talk and thinking can become very
negative. Thinking positive thoughts might not even seem possible
at the time or even helpful. That’s because core beliefs have to be
dealt with first. You can say things like, “I am loveable” a million
times but if you do not believe it you will be wasting your time and
grow even more frustrated. (We will be discussing how thoughts
and beliefs can be changed in the next section.)
For activities & free printable affirmation cards go to:
When you catch yourself thinking or speaking negatively about
yourself, be aware of what you are doing and reassess the situation.
“I made some mistakes, but that doesn’t mean I’m a failure.”
Sometimes depressed people are so convinced that they can’t think
any other way. They become stuck and inflexible. In this case,
mental health intervention may be necessary.
• Stop comparing yourself with others.
Comparing yourself with others is unhealthy when it usually causes
you to feel either inferior or superior to them. It often leads to
jealousy, envy, self-pity or at the other extreme—arrogance,
judgmentalism, criticism. The only person you need to compare
yourself with is yourself. For example, if you can run for one mile
and you want to increase to more, don’t compare yourself with
someone who can run 20 miles. Aim to increase it to 1¼ or 1½
miles instead. Work with what you have and build on your own
strengths.
• Accept compliments.
People who have difficulty accepting themselves also have difficulty
accepting compliments. They might minimize them or think
something like, “Oh, it was not big deal. Anyone can do that.” Or
“They’re probably just saying that to be nice. No one could
possibly think that nice thought about me.”
Accepting ourselves, our lives and things we cannot change leads to serenity. But how about the things we can change? As the Serenity Prayer says, we need the wisdom to know the difference. True acceptance does not include accepting things within our ability to change. In that case, we need courage to make changes in our lives. To have courage means to face our problems and fears. Although we are afraid, we do it anyway. And we do what we are able to do.
Can you accept that you or someone you know has an illness called depression?
Do you believe that there is something you can do about it?
In the next lesson, we will be looking at ways thinking can be changed and new habits developed.
“Master your thoughts and you master your mind; master your mind and you master your life; master your life and you master your destiny.”
We have discussed how most depression is triggered by external causes—some kind of loss, unmet need or problem. Because everyone perceives events differently, everyone copes differently. How a person copes and responds to an event depends largely on how they perceive it. For example, one person might feel overwhelmed and stressed by a deadline while another person in a similar situation might find it exciting and motivating. One person might be grief-stricken over the breakup of a long-time romantic relationship, while another person going through a similar loss might shed some tears and move on.
The way we perceive and think about things influences the way we feel. We cannot control our feelings, but we can control our thoughts. Our thoughts and feelings are strongly linked, and they determine our actions. See the Thinking-Feeling Connection for more info. Go to Module 3
How do you change the way you think?
The first step to change one’s thinking is to recognize thoughts that are irrational or distorted. Some people call it stinkin’ thinkin’ or cognitive distortions. It includes looking at things in black and white categories: “Nothing ever works out for me” or “I fail at everything.”; should statements such as: “I shouldn’t feel this way”; emotional reasoning: “I feel like a failure, so I must be one.”
The way you think (cognitions) influences the way you feel. When you perceive an event, the future or yourself inaccurately, your thoughts about it will be distorted. You will make assumptions that are irrational. This kind of thinking leads to negative feelings such as sadness, anxiety, anger and discouragement.
For more examples of cognitive distortions, click here.
Dwelling on distorted thoughts often leads to feelings of sadness, anger, hurt, hopelessness, frustration, jealousy, guilt, shame, self-pity, and so forth. It leads to depression. Whereas, thoughts that are positive, realistic and hopeful can strengthen, empower, and help you to cope better.
Exploring feelings with others or with a professional can help to identify distorted thoughts. Once identified, they can be changed. A common strategy used in cognitive-behavioral therapy is called the ABC analysis. First, you identify “A” which stands for activating agent. It is the situation that triggered a strong emotion or depression. The consequences of “A” are then identified. The consequences (“C”) are the feelings and behaviors that occurred. Then beliefs (“B”) or thoughts are identified. The next step is to challenge the negative thoughts and change the way you think and perceive an event.
For worksheets to help you put this method into practice, click here
(Module 3 will help you to understand the thinking-feeling connection; Module 4 will help you go through the ABC analysis; Module 5 explains the common distorted thinking styles and helps you identify them; in Module 6 you learn how to challenge wrong thinking and change it)
Once you are able to identify your patterns of thinking, you will be able to recognize triggers to depression. Knowing when and where you are most vulnerable can help to prepare you in preventing symptoms of depression.
“You sow an action, you reap a habit. You sow a habit, you reap a character. You sow a character, you reap a destiny.”
Habits are formed when patterns of behavior are repeated over and over again. When a person repeatedly responds to certain problems in the same way it becomes a habit. Depression can become a responsible habit. It can become an automatic way of responding when faced with certain situations or problems.
It begins with negative thinking. A person tells themselves pessimistic, negative things over and over again. It becomes so automatic that it seems natural to them to think the way they do. It becomes a habit. This habitual way of thinking sends a depressed person in downward spiral that drags them deeper and deeper in despair before they know what is happening to them.
Some common automatic negative thoughts among depressed
individuals are:
“Things will never get any better.” Now if that is the case, then they figure there is no point in trying. The more they believe this, the more helpless and hopeless they will feel.
“I can’t help being depressed after what I’ve been through.” This is a very common way of thinking among depressed individuals. If they believe it’s totally beyond their control, they won’t struggle against it. This way of thinking takes away their choices.
“People would be better off without me.” Feelings of worthlessness that result from this way of thinking lead to withdrawal and self-harm, deepening the depression.
“Depression runs in my family—it’s genetic.” Although that may be the case, it does not mean they are helpless victims of fate. There are many things that can be done to help them cope better, think differently, and live fulfilling productive lives. They are not destined to be unhappy and depressed all their lives.
Believing these automatic thoughts allows them to have a strong and negative hold on an individual’s life. Thoughts are powerful. They have a major influence on a person’s mood, attitude, self-esteem and general well-being. But thoughts can be changed. It takes about 6 weeks to form a new habit. As difficult as some habits can be to change, they can be changed as new habits take their place. Sometimes you have to start by doing it without feelings to support your decision.
Watch & Listen
to a very moving passionate video to encourage, strengthen & remind you that you are loved. You
are a precious gift to others. No matter what you are going through, there is
• Be aware of self talk. 
