By Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC
One of the most important decisions you will ever make is the decision of who you will spend the rest of your life with. Why is this so important? It is important because the direction of your life will be greatly influenced by that very choice. With time couples become alike in many ways. They learn from one another’s way of thinking and behaving, and they come to share values and world views. Their relationship shapes who they become, their level of happiness, their outlook, as well as their goals and dreams.
Knowing who you are and what you want are the first steps in finding that right someone. Consider what you have to offer in a relationship. Are there some things you need to work through before you can have a healthy, fulfilling relationship? For example, if you have a problem with anger or substance abuse, you might want to get help before getting seriously involved with anyone. Some of these issues carry over into relationships and create havoc and destruction. It’s hard to be the right person for anyone when you are hurting yourself or others. And it is hard to find the right person because dysfunctional patterns can develop such as enabling, co-dependency, and so forth. That does not mean that you are doomed to be single until you have it all together. Everyone is in a constant process of changing and growing. The goal is to be our best and that requires working on our own issues and on our relationships.
Once you know who you are and are at peace with yourself and what you have to offer, ask yourself what is most important to you in a relationship? What is it that you want and are looking for? Oftentimes, expectations are disappointed and needs go unmet simply because singles do not carefully consider what qualities are most important to them in a partner. For example, if spending quality time together is most important to you, would the right partner for you be someone who enjoys a career in which frequent traveling without you is involved? Or, if physical affection is important to you, would the right someone be aloof and avoid intimacy? Mr. or Ms. Right ought to be a good fit for your personality and needs.
Where do you look for that right someone? Successful marriages are made up of couples who are compatible. They have common goals and interests. The right person for you may be found in places where you enjoy your favorite sports, music, or hobbies. He or she might be found in places where you can connect spiritually or vocationally. Another place that is becoming more and more common for singles meeting is the internet. It provides a different way of establishing communication, connecting, and getting to know each other. The places to meet your special someone are endless. Actually, that right someone can be anywhere. What is most important is that you know who you are, know what you want, and confidently seek out that right someone. Remember, Mr.or Ms. Right is looking for you too. Trust that you will find each other and don’t give up until you do.